The guilt phrase that stay-at-home moms like me don't want to hear anymore

The guilt phrase that stay-at-home moms like me don’t want to hear anymore

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“Because well, all the same, you could make an effort! No, efforts, I’m already making enough. Responsibilities, I have enough already and beyond my mental health, what is the message for my son?

PARENTING – “Are you going to get it back sooner?” This is the teacher’s sentence when my eldest son, 3 years old, returned to the small section. The implied sequence is “Like you don’t work” ? Here we are.

The implications

Do you feel it evident in my mind? Me, the mother who doesn’t work, finally sorry, who am not paid for my work at the moment, am I still not going to let my child eat in the canteen and all day at school? This is followed by a whole bunch of assertions like “It gives him long days all the same, it’s better that he comes for half-days, it’s better for him”.

Who do we care about?

So I, the mother who not only does nothing, wouldn’t care about my son’s well-being anyway? The fact that he is a plaintiff, we obviously don’t care. The fact that I have an infant to manage at home and he starts to sleep during the day, and that I can start to puff, who cares too. The fact that I’m a mother but not that, who cares? That school is compulsory from the age of 3, who cares? That I can possibly already carry on my shoulders the guilt that the patriarchy pours out on me, who cares? That this remark would never have been made to a father, who cares?

What interest for whom?

And then it’s better for whom the half-days for months? For my son or for the mistress? So what’s the deal? We scan the daronnes who do not work and we make them bear the responsibility of an overloaded class?

“Because well, all the same, you could make an effort! No, efforts, I’m already making enough. Responsibilities, I have enough already and beyond my mental health, what is the message for my son? You are asking but no, you will not go? Are we going to get you used to a rhythm that it may be difficult for you to change afterwards?

The right of mothers to be women too

Because guess what? I got all the charts wrong on your 50s scale, mistress. A mother who doesn’t take care of her children enough without currently working and who will be back on a job soon, double combo!

I can’t stand the burden on mothers anymore. I have the right to want to have a life, to want to take care of my mental health, the right not to wait until I am at my wit’s end to practice self-care and the duty not to project onto my son the worries of adults.

So, what’s on the canteen menu for lunch?

Post Scriptum

I have nothing against school, nothing against teachers. A vital and difficult profession, insufficient means. It’s undeniable. But the lack of means does not have to weigh on the mothers, who have enough to carry on their shoulders. We should not use our guilt for this possible purpose.

It’s actually the most disturbing. Here, the teacher absolutely did not kindly ask parents who can, a helping hand, blaming an overloaded class. She didn’t alert me either to a real difficulty of my son who does not pass with time since it was his first day.

That’s not what it’s about here. Here, it is my son’s well-being, his balance, which has been agitated to me without even knowing how he was going to live his first week, without even knowing what my day was like, my life, my state of fatigue and mental health. Assuming right.

I can be told “yes but they warn that the days are long”. But we know it. Really.

We know it. We do our best with the means we have. And sometimes, when with the resources at our disposal, we cannot do otherwise, it only rubs salt in the wound. Really. What’s the point ?

Believe that the first return of his child in small section, it shakes. Strong. Very strong. But we do what we can.

After a first traumatic childbirth followed by a major postpartum depression, I know how precious mental health is. And this second time, I take care of it, for my well-being, of course, but especially that of my children.

After a week of adaptation, my son loves going to school during the full day and to the canteen, he no longer cries when we drop him off. He adores his mistress. And it’s very good like that.

This testimony, initially published on the Mother on the port Instagram account, was reproduced on The HuffPost with the agreement of its author.

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